Announcer: You're back with Melissa Harris-Perry and The Takeaway from WNYC and PRX in collaboration with WGBH Radio in Boston.

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Brigid Bergin: I'm Brigid Bergin in for Melissa Harris-Perry. Throughout this March for Women's History Month, The Takeaway is joining with the Center for American Women and Politics at Rutgers University to bring you the stories of women leading locally. For our seventh installment, we're heading to the Garden State.

Teresa Ruiz: My name is Teresa Ruiz, New Jersey State Senator, currently serving as the New Jersey Majority Leader for the Senate.

Brigid Bergin: Senate Majority Leader Ruiz is the first Latina in that position and, because women can do it all, she's the first woman to give birth while serving in the New Jersey Senate. Melissa recently spoke with Leader Ruiz and asked her how she came to love politics.

Teresa Ruiz: Funny story. I never really loved politics per se as far as seeking an elected capacity. I was engaged more on the civic side of it, knocking on doors, registering people to vote, participating in campaigns for individuals who I thought would most represent our families in our neighborhoods, writing policy, doing press releases, volunteering on those levels. Often was asked to run for different offices and usually responded with the answer "No."

Right before I made my decision to run for office, my dad and I were having a very solid conversation in our kitchen. There were rumors that I would run for New Jersey state assembly, and I said to him, "Well, it's really not the assembly. It's an opportunity to run for the state Senate." He said, "What are you going to do?" and I said, "Well, I'm going to say no the way I usually have." He looked at me and said, "If you say no I'll never forgive you." I joked, and for the Latina listeners or for women who've grown up in stricter traditional households, I said to him, "I'm the baby." We know that when you're the baby you get away with a lot in the house, so I said, "When I say no you'll forgive me."

Two weeks after that he was struck by a car and killed at the site of the accident. In that space of mourning, I was asked to consider running for office. That was October, and around November there was a huge election. I remember being at a rally looking at the stage, looking at the demographic of elected officials, very homogenous white men over a certain age. I said, "I can continue to see this and make note of it, or I could change the landscape and forever make history in the state." The two forces together, I knew that it wasn't about me anymore, it was about a greater calling, and then I accepted the challenge

Melissa Harris-Perry: Choosing to run for office in a moment of such personal loss and grief, we know even President Biden talked about the need to not run after having lost his son. I'm wondering also about how you found the internal resources because running for office is such an emotional-- and requires so much of us day-to-day.

Teresa Ruiz: It ended up being super-cathartic. When I was knocking on doors everyone was-- The incident that occurred, unfortunately the accident, was something that-- My dad was known. We used to call him the little mayor of the North Ward. If he would have had access to education and opportunity the way I have had, perhaps he would've been the first Puerto Rican president for the United States. His passion for politics, to help people, was extraordinary. He was recognized, he was part of the community, and every time I knocked on a door and they made that connection, "Oh, you're so and so la hija de," and they would share a story.

When Puerto Ricans came to the city of Newark during those early years everybody knew each other, so they created this artificial infrastructure family network because it was necessary. I heard the stories of-- I remember when my mom passed away and he worked on a fundraiser to get tickets to fly back, or if apartment had burned down, how they would go out and purchase mattresses. It was cathartic because I knew this about him but I was hearing it from other people who were-- To me, I know this sounds-- but it was a greater thing. He was speaking to me again through these stories to remind me about the importance of what I was being set forth out to do.

I think women in spaces usually do this. I almost felt obligated, if that makes sense, because it wasn't about me. It was about the souls that came before me that had laid the path and had broadened their shoulders to carry all of us. It was about the opportunity that I would then lend for future generations.

Melissa Harris-Perry: That makes perfect sense to me that only I-- [chuckles] You sort of paused like, "I know it sounds like I'm saying that he'd passed on but was speaking," but indeed I had often felt guided by ancestors in a very similar way. You are the first in so many different ways, and yet there can be something somewhat irritating about thinking of our accomplishments as primarily our identity. The first Latina to serve as the New Jersey Senate Majority Leader and the first Latina to serve in the New Jersey Senate. What does that language of "first" mean for you?

Teresa Ruiz: It means a lot, but first I want to point to something that you're saying. It's heartbreaking. I get elected in 2007 and sworn in in 2008, so we're not talking 1956 New Jersey. I become the first woman of Latina descent to get elected into the state Senate and the first Puerto Rican in that space. It's a huge honor and it's super-humbling, and it's always mindful of that it is never about me, my last name, who I am. It wasn't because I was perfect or I am perfect today. It was just about the opportunity to be around the table that creates policy and sets the agenda for so many in New Jersey.

When you are not inclusive in all those spaces, and I mean all spaces, not solely in government, I think a lot of companies, corporations, everybody lose sight. They don't realize how much better things are when you are inclusive. It doesn't matter if we disagree behind closed doors, but ultimately the product is so much better for everyone. It becomes something that people can connect to. I quickly knew that even if we were talking about schools, for instance, or public safety, that my experiences and my events would lend to a different outcome when the words finally were on a piece of paper that became long got-signed by whatever governor was in office.

I was the first again in 2016 to be the first woman ever in the New Jersey Senate to give birth while being elected. That speaks volumes to how few of us are in these spaces and how many of us come in at different ages and stages of our life. How critically important it is because there is one prominent piece of legislation that really will set the stage for New Jersey to be premier and forefront for mothers and parents who bring a newborn home. It was really born out of my personal experience of bringing an infant home.

Melissa Harris-Perry: Say more about that.

Teresa Ruiz: When I had Silver, I was very committed to breastfeeding. I knew early on that this was something I was going to try with my might. As early moms we always know sometimes it's a struggle, but most importantly I speak the language. I think I'm a great advocate. I know how to research. I can call, I can demand. I had a partner at home. I had a sister who was staying around the clock with us. I had such a network around me and yet I felt like I was not prepared. This is the only space where you don't go to school and get a degree. It's like, "Here's a human being, now go off-

Melissa Harris-Perry: Good luck.

Teresa Ruiz: -and see if you can make it work. Good luck." Specifically, I think when you're nursing, because there isn't any measurement, the constant question, "Am I doing enough? Am I feeding her? What's going on? Am I doing enough? Am I feeding her?" Just totally focused on her wellbeing. At the time because of President Obama, that he had included a nurse lactation visitation, it was part of the whole conversation on the national insurance coverage platform, I was able to schedule a nurse lactation specialist to come home. I will tell you that that visit changed the trajectory of how I was feeding my child for the next four years.

She came in, she stripped her down, she put her on a scale, weighed her, and then asked me to nurse her and said, "You gave her a couple of ounces in that timeframe." As an early mom, to give a couple of ounces in a short timeframe, it was-- The factor of just not being consumed with the nervousness, the anxiety, which really becomes a shortcoming for you as a human being and can also not help you produce as much milk as you should. As soon as she said I was doing right, and she would text me all the time to just say, "You're doing what works. Just believe in yourself. Keep going, keep going," hearing that--

I could have heard that probably from multiple friends, and from my sister and my mother who had both given birth and gone through this, but to hear it from a medical professional was truly enlightening and so powerful for me. I said, "You know what? If we could do this for everyone." New Jersey has a phenomenal nurse home visitation program, but it's capped for certain income families. I remember going to those graduations and really seeing the nurse became an extension of the family, both to the child and to the parents.

Wondering how could we explore this and give it to every single parent who's bringing an infant home. Most importantly, the women and mothers who would be the largest population in this space, to give them that visit. We started drafting the bill, worked on it, and honestly still in the space never understood what I was going to do for the adult. Always focused on the child because that's what mothers do. We get so self-consumed in are they eating, are they sleeping, oh hiccups, this. Are they pooping enough? All these questions. We don't ask those same questions of ourselves.

To be honest it was not until the day that we were signing the bill that-- There was a woman who was sitting to the left of me and started sharing her story. She had a toddler and had an infant, and she was part of the nurse home visitation program. The nurse came to the house and took her blood pressure. She said if that nurse had not visited her at that moment she would not have been there to be able to share that story, and those two children would've potentially lost a parent.

It just struck me at that moment. I gave birth to this bill, so laser-focused on the wellbeing of the child, never really truly understanding all of the positives that it would do to the adult. When I would repeat the conversation with the nurse lactation specialist, she was also asking me, "How are you? Are you eating? Are you sleeping? Are you resting?" Those were self-care moments that I took for granted but are so critically needed in those spaces of such newness. What really helped me was that an administration came in, like Governor Murphy's administration, and has been very focused on maternal health in the state, and became huge advocates and powerhouses in supporting this piece of legislation.

The department is now focusing on finishing out the rules and the regulations. This budget, I believe, has nearly $20 million in it to roll out this program. Even long after I'm gone, when a woman comes home or a parent comes home and they bring an infant they will have a medical professional to come in and visit. Not solely for the wellbeing and the health of the child but for the caregiver as well.

Melissa Harris-Perry: Senator Ruiz, as I listened to you talk about both what you learned from your own experience in that moment, I heard three parts. I heard research. Normally how I would approach things is research, the kind of intellectual academic side of finding out about an issue. I heard you in that moment talk about experience and how we draw on our own lived experience and how you draw on it as a legislator. Then I heard you talk about continued learning. Your experience as you're watching this policy be implemented and learning the other parts of the effects that it's having in the lives of your constituents.

Taking these parts, given that you are actually not just a legislator but you are in legislative leadership, how do you take those parts of data and research, lived experience, and then hearing from and learning from constituents to actually build some consensus to get things done in the State House or the state Senate?

Teresa Ruiz: I've been fortunate to be part of leadership even in a different role in the prior years. I think that what you've described really describes every woman in any space, to be honest with you. I love men, I'm married to a phenomenal girl dad, but we do things differently and we do it that way. We bring stories of so many untold, of so many voices that haven't been heard. We bring our personal experiences. We bring facts to the table because we know we have to prove our worth consistently when we're trying to change a conversation or change a debate. We bring power, we bring passion, we bring truth, and we bring justice.

I don't think this is unique to me. I think this is a systemic kind of vibrancy that women have when we know we need to get something done. The ultimate outcome may not be exactly what we all wanted, but if we push the needle or move the line in the sand a little bit further it's much greater. As we know, governments sometimes get stuck on levels of bureaucracy. I think if you put a lot of women in a room and you close the door, we may cry, we may curse, we may scream, we may laugh. No one will know what will have happened but when the door opens something different will have occurred.

Melissa Harris-Perry: I'm also struck by the number of times you said no before saying yes. The challenges obviously of being a new parent, and how many women decline the opportunity to run for office when they have young children. How do we get more women running for office? How do we get more yeses?

Teresa Ruiz: I sponsored a bill that now allows you to use campaign contributions for childcare, which I think it's critically important. I come from a district where the only New Jersey legislative district that is represented by three phenomenal women has been for a very long time. One of my former partners was a single mom while she was in office. I remember it happened at the time where we were in the election cycle. Willow came with us wherever we went, and we just took care of each other in that space.

She wasn't allowing that as an obstacle. I think she felt she had enough of us to support her, but there were times where she was either missing first opportunities with her daughter or missing events. Those are decisions that we have to make and there has to be a balance.

I'm very proud that New Jersey now has this law into practice that if someone is considering and is the primary caretaker of their children, and if finances is an obstacle, that at least we can eliminate that. I think we also have to recognize that if we want this world, our state, our communities, and our neighborhoods to change, women have to be a much greater part of that voice. Inclusivity and equity on all spaces really is what changes the dynamic. I know it's a hard thing.

I remember driving home from Trenton one night after a long voting session. I think so many women in the career space do this. I broke down in the car and it was a staffer who was much younger than I was, and I was verbalizing this out loud and saying to myself, "Tonight did I do the thing?" [emotional voice] because I didn't put her to bed. Sorry. You know how it is. When we talk about our kids, that's the one thing that gets me all the time because-

Melissa Harris-Perry: I know. I know. I know.

Teresa Ruiz: -she just fills me so much. She gives me so much hope, power, and strength. I would ask myself, "Did I do the thing today?" I missed putting her down or I missed reading her a book. Oftentimes having these conversations while pumping in the car on the way down or coming home. If people don't know what I'm saying, I was making food for my daughter. I used to wear a T-shirt that I would wear down to the State House, "I make milk. What's your superpower?" I remember my director of policy, she looked at me and she said, "Wow." She said, "Don't ever say that again." I think this is where younger women are falling in the space and reminding us of the power of who we are.

She said, "Do you not see what she sees and what you're doing?" She's like, "You're stripping away so many layers of what is a considered norm, stereotype, or an expectation. You're showing her how powerful you can be in all spaces at all times." It was very moving for me, and to hear it from someone who was younger, and reassuring. We still have those moments. You have to try and find that balance. I also think that making the decision based on, "Oh, I want to spend more time with my family," maybe would've been something years past, but I think communities are recognizing that we're human beings. I fall down every single time.

The best thing about falling down is to get up and show everybody how you can dust yourself off. That while you fell you didn't scuff your fabulous pumps that you're wearing. I think there's a greater lens of expectation to understand who we are in these public spaces. After I had her, because I had her later on after being elected for some time, I rearranged my schedule. I know that sometimes people would wonder, "She's not at these many places as she can be," and I always say, "Look, my first priority is to be a mom, and I'm never going to miss a great opportunity for her." Sometimes she'll come with me and sometimes she won't, and if we can manage it we balance it.

My husband's kind of in the same space. If they see one of us they know that the other one is doing our first priority, which is raising a superstar. I think we're coming into a fold where people recognize it's more important to have a woman in the space, that she's balancing her time, than have someone who's available to you 24/7 and doesn't really have a lens of experience that can change the dynamic.

Melissa Harris-Perry: In many ways I feel like you've already answered this question, but I do want to ask it of you. This conversation that we're having is part of our series Women Leading Locally. When I say to you women leading locally, what does it mean to you?

Teresa Ruiz: Women leading locally, what does it mean to me? It means reminding myself of a woman who came to Newark, New Jersey after marrying her husband in Puerto Rico. Attempting to get pregnant several times and having miscarriages. Being thrown into a medical space where no other doctor or she could communicate at the time. Then giving birth to a phenomenal woman who became my older sister. Being told she couldn't have kids after that for six years and then I came along. Dropping us off at pre-school and school in the car and then parking the car and getting on a bus because she worked downtown and it was cheaper to travel on public transportation than it was to park the vehicle.

That reminds me that what I'm doing today is nothing compared to what women have done before me. The local ability to understand that I am privileged because I am resourced and I have support and I have structures, but knowing that that lens is not true for my neighbor or the woman across the street. Really being steeped in that truth and reminding people that when we are talking about issues-- one hot topic issue that we like to talk about is making things more affordable, but if you're making things more affordable and the lens through what you're doing it doesn't represent everybody, what does that truly mean?

Not everyone can own a home. When do we get to that space where we can? Reminding myself that this country and this state would not have allowed the same opportunities to my parents. I recall my dad saying a story of making 95 cents an hour, $1.15, and they were still able to put together some funds, a small down payment, get a loan and purchase a home in the '70s. One of the first Puerto Rican homeowners in the North Ward. That kind of country and that system doesn't exist anymore.

When you hear ALICE reports say you have to make $26 an hour to afford rent in the state, making sure that I represent that local sense is recognizing that yes, we've done great things. $15 an hour is still yet not enough, but more importantly all of this to me, because this has been a driving force, is recognizing the opportunities that I have had juxtaposed to other women and other people in my neighborhood, juxtaposed to my family. My parents shared stories with me about going to school barefoot in PR. I'm only one generation removed. We're not talking about stories of three generations past, this is one generation.

I think about the opportunities that Silver will have moving forward and what we're doing for her. The one thing that lends itself in that equity space is education, education, education. For me, it doesn't matter if you're elected. If you're a biological parent, if you live in a neighborhood, we have to be committed and understanding of what our public school spaces do or do not do to support the 100% outcome of that individual. Does that make sense?

Melissa Harris-Perry: Oh, it does. New Jersey State Senator Teresa Ruiz. Thank you for joining us.

Teresa Ruiz: Thank you for having me.

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