Transcript
BOB GARFIELD: In the letters section of the current Harper's Magazine, one reader chastises an editorial by Harper's Editor Lewis Lapham for, quote, "failing to confront the extent of evil arising from Islamic fundamentalism dating back to the 1948 war to exterminate Israel." It's signed by one Nelson Marans of Silver Spring, Maryland. Close readers of magazines and newspapers might recognize the name. It's not the first time a missive from Mr. Marans has been published. In fact, it's the 31st time -- this year. In an epistolary career stretching back to his retirement 17 years ago, Nelson Marans has successfully placed 966 letters in the pages of American newspapers and magazines. The anti-Israel bias that he often sees in Middle East coverage has inspired a lot of them, but in the past year, editors have printed his strong opinions on just about everything. Nelson, thanks for joining us.
NELSON MARANS: Well, thank you very much for having me on.
BOB GARFIELD: In the past year, you have written letters addressing the bombing of Dresden, Germany during the end of World War II--
NELSON MARANS: Yes.
BOB GARFIELD: -- the superiority of marble as a sculpting material, Pete Rose, stock options and, of course, circumcision. [LAUGHTER] And wedding cake. Nelson, you've written --why don't you just read for me, please, your June 18th letter to the New York Times on the subject of wedding cakes.
NELSON MARANS: All right. I'll have to see if I can find it. [READING] "While a delicious cake would cap off any wedding, we should be practical as to what is really required. With the overwhelming array of hors d'oeuvres and then a sumptuous meal, accompanied by drinks, the average wedding guest is too food-besotted to appreciate anything other than the cake's appearance. The real function of most wedding cakes is to supply a piece in an elaborate box to be taken home as a souvenir. For the bride and groom, a few pieces to be frozen and eaten on wedding anniversaries are required. Certainly a delicious wedding cake is desirable, but it is usually an indulgence, not for the guests, but for the wedding party."
BOB GARFIELD:All right. What prompted this outburst about the function of wedding cakes? And, and by the way, who died and made you arbiter of wedding cake etiquette? [LAUGHTER]
NELSON MARANS: What happened was, they were describing these elaborate wedding cakes that cost thousands and thousands of dollars, and I was saying to myself, what a waste. It's just over-indulgence. I'm not bothered if people disagree, and I'm not bothered if people consider that I'm acting as an arbiter. I know I'm not. Everybody has a certain amount of knowledge about a subject, and I think that they should express that knowledge, and I always encourage my friends to write, because I feel that writing is a lost art for many people, and I see no reason why individuals should restrict themselves to talking about subjects without writing about the subject.
BOB GARFIELD:How passionate do you need to be on a given subject before you are moved to write? [LAUGHTER] I'm going to just assume that you get very, very irate over your perception of the mischaracterization of the Palestinians vis-a-vis the Israelis. Do you get just as outraged over wedding cakes?
NELSON MARANS: No. Of course, not. This is sort of a fun type of letter. I wrote to the Wall Street Journal when they said that Vitalis might go out of business -- not the company, but the actual hair tonic. And I said, well you know, these old geezers still need something like that to keep their hair down -- what hair I have left, unfortunately. Sometimes I write because I feel it's a humorous statement, which sometimes is not appreciated.
BOB GARFIELD: I know this is going to sound like a snotty question. I promise you I don't mean for it to be. [LAUGHTER] But why do you do this?
NELSON MARANS: Why do I do it?
BOB GARFIELD: Mm-hm.
NELSON MARANS:Simply because I feel that once I do it, and I have some antagonism or trauma attached to reading what I see, it acts as a purge. It's completely off my mind after that. I feel that I've done everything I can, and, you know, I'll relax.
BOB GARFIELD: What about the 779 times in 2003 where the tree fell in the forest and there was no newspaper willing to publish it?
NELSON MARANS:I'll be honest. It only takes me 15 minutes to write a letter. I consider that if I have 779 letters written, that's approximately 200 hours of wasted time. As a retired individual, I have a lot more than 200 hours [LAUGHS] of wasted time.
BOB GARFIELD: Are there any papers that for all your efforts over the years you just haven't been able to crack?
NELSON MARANS:Well, there's a magazine that I've never been able to crack, and I'm sure I'll never be able to crack it in my lifetime, and that's The Economist. I heard that they only publish one letter from a person per lifetime. But I haven't had my quota.
BOB GARFIELD: Well, Nelson Marans, thank you very much.
NELSON MARANS: Well thank you very much for having me. I appreciate the time.
BOB GARFIELD: And Nelson and everybody -- if you have a question or a comment, you can reach us at onthemedia@wnyc.org.