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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC and now to your calls on how the pandemic dragging on this long is changing who your friends are. Brian in Hoboken, you're on WNYC. Hi, Brian.

Brian: Hi, thanks for having me on. I just want to say that I've been able to strengthen some friendships even by playing video games online. I wonder what some parents are thinking about their young kids and their screen time and how it's their only chance to socialize, really.

Brian Lehrer: Well, when you're playing video games online with these friends, are you also hanging out with them or just seeing them in the game context?

Brian: Just really in the game context to this point, most of us are pretty hunkered down in my playing group. It's definitely a chance to not just have a phone call but do something a little more collaborative and fun.

Brian Lehrer: Brian, thank you very much. You can chat at the same time as you're actually playing. I guess that's really what I was trying to get at with him, is how much do you do that at the same time as you're actually in the game moves. Bob in Bay Ridge, you're on WNYC. Hi, Bob.

Bob: Hi, Brian. Thanks for having me on. I met some new friends this year. It's been a pretty rough year, socially. I can't really see my friends to go hang out at bars or restaurants like we used to. We had a new wine store that opened in my neighborhood which was quite a surprise and I quickly became great friends with everybody that works there. It's a really cool store and the people are friendly. It was just nice to have a new, nice, curated wine store in the neighborhoods.

Brian Lehrer: Is that in-person talking to other customers or how do you mean you made new friends there?

Bob: Well, when I first saw the store opening, I was surprised because most businesses around here are closing. It looked like a really nice store. I walked in. Actually, they were having their opening party for just the friends of the owners. I knocked on the door and they let me in. They were very happy because it was their first day and we started talking and became great friends. They're very knowledgeable and they recommended me a lot of great wine. I stop in every time I pass by when I get groceries. Even if I'm not buying wine, I stop in and just chat. We've hung out outside of the store also. Really made some new friends.

Brian Lehrer: That's great, Bob. Thank you very much. Denise in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Denise.

Denise: Hi, good morning. Two thoughts. One is that we see our Brooklyn friends a lot more than we see our Manhattan friends just because it feels easier and safer to just meet around the corner and go for a walk or something. It's just shifted, who we're able to see. Also, we have become much better friends with other parents from preschool because we're doing so many outdoor play dates.

Before, on weekends, we would often go to concerts by ourselves or a museum, just our family whenever it suited our schedule. Now, that's out of the picture and we're just really prioritizing whatever social interactions we can possibly have safely. We're just outside at the playground and at the park a lot more with other families. Those friendships have been new for us, I think, largely because of the pandemic.

Brian Lehrer: That makes sense. On your first point, I heard somebody say neighbors are the new friends. It sounds like that's the case for you.

Denise: Absolutely, yes. Absolutely.

Brian Lehrer: Denise, thank you very much. Willa in Sleepy Hollow, you're on WNYC. Hi, Willa.

Willa: Hi, can you hear me?

Brian Lehrer: Yes.

Willa: Thank you for your consistency during all of this, I just wanted to say it's been really grounding.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you.

Willa: I'm in college now but because of the pandemic, I've gotten a lot closer with my friends from high school and even middle School. It's just a really tight-knit group of really close friends that we don't ever see each other, but we FaceTime and it's really beautiful. Also, I had the chance to get closer with my family, which is something I probably would have never been able to do without the pandemic. Even though it's been hard and not social technically, it's been more of a deep bond which is I really appreciate.

Brian Lehrer: With your parents, you mean?

Willa: Yes, with my family at home and also just with friends that I might have lost contact with if we hadn't all been stuck at home bored.

Brian Lehrer: Willa, thank you so much. Call us again. Eunice in Manhattan, you're on WNYC. Hi, Eunice.

Eunice: Hi, Brian. Thank you for taking my call. I've listened to you every day, this is really nice. I'm a theatre actor and obviously, our industry is just non-existent at the moment in its normal form. I've been taking some online classes at an online class called [unintelligible 00:05:41] Studio and the community there has really brought out a lot of friendships that I would not have otherwise known.

Just by, finding someone's chat comments incredibly funny, and then we became friends and now we see each other for playdates for our dogs. Also, I foster dogs through hearts and bones and finding other fosters in my neighborhood, where we can do puppy playdates because it's so important to socialize them at this age that I've really come to find a lot of friendships through that as well which is a lovely side effect of the pandemic. Also fostering has just gone through the roof during this time when everyone is stuck at home.

Brian Lehrer: Puppy playdates and we know that it's harder to get a pet than it was before. So many people are getting pets during the pandemic, which is great in the rescue animal community and for other reasons. You're the second person to suggest that the chat functions in social media settings while you're doing the main activity, which is not chatting, actually deepen bond. The first caller was talking about gaming with friends. If he's hanging out with them that's through the chat and sometimes they razz each other and whatever it is. You're talking about taking online classes and at the same time, as the class is going on, you're also chatting with people on the side, right?

Eunice: My new best friend who lives in Harlem, we became friends because she made me spit out my drink while I was reading her chats. Then I private messaged her and we've become cooking and dog friends ever since. [laughs]

Brian Lehrer: Eunice, thank you very much. Appreciate it. Mary in Asbury Park, you're on WNYC. Hi, Mary.

Mary: Hi, Brian. Thank you so much for taking my call.

Brian Lehrer: Sure. How are your friends changing, your friendships in the long pandemic?

Mary: Absolutely, they've been shifting. I am actually a birth doula. I don't know if you know what that is.

Brian Lehrer: Actually, I do.

Mary: I provide labor support for moms in labor. I run a maternal journaling group once a week, which has been amazing and it has expanded my community hugely. We meet once a week on Zoom and we journal around our experience of motherhood. We doodle, I provide props, we write, we paint, and then we all share whatever we've made. I really don't think had the pandemic not happened, everyone would be willing to meet once a week. Everyone shows up. Everyone is really excited. I get 10 to 20 moms, and we all just have been decompressing around the pandemic, and motherhood and all that together once a week. It's meant a lot to me and it's meant a lot to the community. I actually feel like I've made more friends through that during COVID than I had previously, somehow. [laughs]

Brian Lehrer: You know what I think we're hearing from a number of people and I think including you, which is interesting, it's that because of the pandemic, some of the friendships that people have, even if they're not in-person as much are becoming deeper. The bonds are becoming more meaningful.

Mary: Absolutely, Brian. Yes. I would never think that I would look forward to going into my office Wednesday night, getting on the computer, and connecting and that way. I was never really a computer person to begin with. It's like, so quickly, everyone is pretty raw with each other and talks about how long their day was with their kids or the experience of the pandemic and the stress and the anxiety and you can just go there quicker now than you could before. You skip the small talk in the way that you used to. It's been amazing and I'm so thankful that we have Zoom right now, that the pandemic happened at a time where we have this technology where we can figure out how to continue to have community so that people aren't as isolated as they could be.

Brian Lehrer: Yes, Mary, thank you and thank you for your work as a doula. I know always appreciated by the birthing community.

Mary: Oh, thank you. Thank you, Brian. If anybody wants to join our group, we are open to whoever wants to join any night. My business is Philomena Birth and I'm on Instagram and Facebook and all that good stuff and all moms anywhere all over the country, all over the world are welcome to join.

Brian Lehrer: Philomena Birth, as in giving birth?

Mary: Yes, exactly. Philomena Birth. Exactly. My website is philomenabirth.com.

Brian Lehrer: Great. Thank you very much. Good luck with that. Jolene in Brooklyn. You're on WNYC. Hi, Jolene.

Jolene: Hi, how are you? Thank you so much.

Brian Lehrer: Sure. Got a story for us?

Jolene: Yes, I do. I have become really good friends with somebody that we used to go to all the same concerts together and we had never met in person. We would like each other's social media posts and once the concerts stopped happening, we started chatting more and we eventually met in person for lunch and then we talked on the phone all the time and it's awesome.

Brian Lehrer: That's great. Thank you very much. Short and sweet. We're going to go to Bonnie in Little Italy. Bonnie, you're on WNYC. Hi.

Bonnie: Hi, Brian. I moved into my apartment in Little Italy over 40 years ago. I live alone and my building emptied out when the pandemic started. I've had a downstairs neighbor for the same amount of time I've been here and we never were friends.

Brian Lehrer: 40 years?

Bonnie: He and I met in the hall and he invited me for dinner last spring and we've become friends. It's wonderful.

Brian Lehrer: You're saying you lived in the same building as your neighbor for 40 years, didn't really know each other. Now in the pandemic, suddenly, you do?

Bonnie: Right. Exactly. we help each other out. We do little favors for each other. It was very strange. In March, April and May the building was virt-- There are 15 apartments. I think there are only three people in my building on Spring Street.

Brian Lehrer: Wow. Why do you think your building? I know that, obviously, a lot of people have left Manhattan and it's some neighborhoods more than others. You said you live in Little Italy. Is it just that people there have the means to leave or people with more money or why do you think your building emptied out to that degree?

Bonnie: Unfortunately, half of the building are now short-term rentals. No one wanted to rent an apartment in New York City until this fall.

Brian Lehrer: Yes, not even full-year lease rentals.

Bonnie: Right. That was the major problem. Some people in the building had other homes to go to. It's [unintelligible 00:13:18] walk up building, it seems unlikely this would happen, but it did.

Brian Lehrer: I imagine, if you got to know your neighbor who lived in the same building for 40 years for the first, you must have had some great building gossip to share.

Bonnie: Oh my God, we did. Did we have a lot to talk about. Oh my God. I actually knew him a little bit. We were not friends. We would see each other in the hall and he had a live-in girlfriend in the '80s that I knew. She's long gone. He's a great cook. He's made me two sensational meals.

Brian Lehrer: That's nice. We're going to leave it there because the mayor is ready to go, but I can only imagine the conversation, "Remember that guy who used to live here in '87 and '88? Wasn't he--" Bonnie, thank you. Thanks to all of you who called and talked about your long pandemic new friendships.

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