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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. In the last few minutes of the show today, let's try this when you have the choice between being early and being late, where do you come down? 212-433-WNYC. Why do I ask? Well, every month The Atlantic's James Parker writes an ode, a tribute to something on the very last page of the magazine. Do you know that series? This month, Parker wrote an ode to being late. That's right, an ode to being late.

He writes that perfect punctuality is really a kind of paradox, "To be punctual, you have to be early because if you're not early, you're late. What does being early mean? It means padding your schedule with loose minutes, margins for error, insulating layers of dead time, it means waiting rooms, it means the tickle of the abyss." As he gets really existential about it. Simply put, Parker writes, either you're early or you're late. I choose tardiness. Listeners, what about you? What's your relationship with being early, on time, or being late? New Yorkers, we think you know better than anyone about punctuality. Everyone in New York is always on the move, always on the way to somewhere, and sometimes late.

I will admit that I was 10 minutes late returning a Zipcar yesterday because I got caught in Cross Bronx Expressway traffic, and didn't get back by my due time. The excuses or reasons span from traffic to slow walkers on the sidewalk. What is your relationship with punctuality? Do you have recurring nightmares that you show up late to your daily 10 AM appointment? Oh, that might be me. How much extra time do you give yourself when you need to be somewhere? Do you leave home way early and earlier than you need because you're calculating the potential train delays or do you trust that things will go smoothly enough on the MTA? Are there any crazy late stories?

What about when you're having people over for dinner or for a party? What time do you want your guests to arrive? If you call it for eight o'clock, do you really want them to be there exactly at 8:00 or do you want them to be let's say, fashionably late, or if you're on the guest side of that? Like last Friday's Shoes On or Off segment that we did on the show, is this a cultural thing? Do you think you expect your guests either to be punctual or a little late because of your cultural background, some people say that, or allow yourself to be, and is it different for business appointment times than for social ones? Chris in the Bronx, you're on WNYC. Hi, Chris.

Chris: Hey, Brian. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home with a mother who was late to everything all the time and I saw the effect that it had on people. I saw how angry and disrespected people would be because she was late, and how she would get angry at them because they were angry at her, like, "What is their problem for being mad?" I just decided I'm not going to be like that. I'm not going to have that effect on other people. I'm going to respect other people's time-

Brian Lehrer: Interesting.

Chris: -more than she did. You know -- [crosstalk]

Brian: An interesting -- [crosstalk] Go ahead, finish your thought. Go ahead, sorry.

Chris: Oh, yes, thank you. Something that you said about the writer who gave your idea for this story about waiting rooms and sitting around. I met the Dalai Lama maybe five or 10 years back and he gave a speech. One thing he said was that people these days have this inability to be bored. They don't want to be bored. They don't want to just sit around, we always have to be engaged in something, we always have to be doing something, and if we're not doing anything, we're on our phones. We need to get back to the place so we can just sit-- [crosstalk]

Brian Lehrer: That little bit of downtime-

Chris: Exactly.

Brian Lehrer: - if you're early before the appointment is actually scheduled is maybe more valuable than the writer says. Chris, thank you for that perspective. Diego in Brooklyn. You're on WNYC. Hi, Diego.

Diego: Hey, thank you for taking my call. I'm a professional pianist and so my rule taught to me by other colleagues is that if you show up at an appointment, let's say an audition or a meeting with other colleagues 10 minutes early, you're already late. I try to plan ahead in order to really show up 10, 15 minutes early from when my appointment time is. In that way, I have time to relax and look at my music or make a few phone calls but I'm already there in the place rather than people having to wait on me. On a personal point, I adopt this way of scheduling things, especially with family members, to tell them to show up 15 minutes earlier than I'm expected to show up.

I would tell my wife like, "Let's meet at 7:30," even though the appointment is at 7:45 so I know that I have some time to play with with both our schedules. In that way, we don't get into any confrontations.

Brian Lehrer: Yes. I know somebody who does that with their spouse because the spouse is chronically late and so the other spouse always says, "Oh, well, we have to leave at eight o'clock," really knowing they don't have to leave until 8:15.

Diego: [chuckles] Right, correct.

Brian Lehrer: Diego, thank you very much. Wow, all the early birds are calling in. We have a whole board full of early birds. Where are you late people? Bruce in Monroe Township. You're on WNYC. Hi, Bruce.

Bruce: Hi, Brian. Yes, I had a psychiatrist who famously would tell us, "If you're early for an appointment, you're anxious. If you're late, you're resistant, and if you're on time, you're compulsive." You can't win [chuckles] with a psychologist, they have to find something wrong with you.

Brian Lehrer: What are you?

Bruce: I tend to be on time, compulsive. I have to get my wife to tell her it's earlier than normal because otherwise, she won't.

Speaker 1: Here's the wife. Generally speaking, I'm not on time but I usually find that when I get there, or wherever it is, I am on time. It just flows. I can't be compulsive, so Bruce and I have big fights about this. Okay, I'll give you back to Bruce.

Brian Lehrer: Wait, I want to ask you a question since you're the only late person who we're going to have on this whole segment, ma'am.

Speaker 1: What's the question?

Brian Lehrer: Do you value being late like the writer of The Atlantic piece or do you just fall behind?

Speaker 1: No, I do not value being late because I'd get beat up by my husband, [chuckles] but I noticed it's like you go with the flow. I noticed most times when I get there, it's okay. I'm not late, I'm not early, but it's okay. It just works out. I can't be uptight about that. I'm not doing it purposely. I would like to be on time but I have noticed, I guess you call it a flow, that when I get there, maybe they haven't started, something like that. I don't get into trouble except with my husband.

Brian Lehrer: [chuckles] Thank you both for your joint call. Susan in Jackson Heights. You're on WNYC. Hi, Susan.

Susan: Hi, good morning. I am 78 years old and in my 78 years, I think I've been late to something three times. For this, I have my father to thank. Tell you one fast story. My niece was getting married in Freehold, New Jersey. I was picking them up. I was taking the family down, I'd rented a station wagon. The wedding was at 1:00 in the afternoon. I said to my father, "Okay, I'll pick you up at 10:30 in the morning." This was a trip that really shouldn't take more than two hours. My father said, "Make it 10 AM." I picked him up at 10 AM and our whole station wagon full of people got down to Freehold at 11:30 AM. We had an hour and a half to walk around the town.

We actually had breakfast, and then we went to the wedding. We were all very happy. One other thing, I find I will get to a place early and if I'm not half an hour early, I consider myself late. When I get there, I always have a book or something to read or I people watch and I can relax. That's me.

Brian Lehrer: To the psychiatrist who was referred to by the earlier caller who would say early people are compulsive?

Susan: Well, I would say I don't know compulsive, but I'm in New York, I'm retired now, but I depended on public transportation. Now, I depend on Access-A-Ride for the few times I'm going anywhere. I always would leave really early and if I'm using Access-A-Ride-- [crosstalk]

Brian Lehrer: Yes, because you knew all the vagaries of what could go wrong. Susan, thank you very much. To my observation that it was only the early people who are calling in, Paul on Twitter writes, "The late people are late for their call-ins." Maybe that was it. That's the Brian Lehrer Show for you today produced by Lisa Allison, Zoe Azulay, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond, and Ryan Wilde. Our interns this spring semester are Anna Conkling, Gigi Steckel, and Diego Munhoz. Zack Gottehrer-Cohen edits our Daily Politics podcast. Tell your friends around the country to subscribe. Megan Ryan holds it all together as the head of Live Radio and we had Milton Ruiz at the audio controls.

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