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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. We'll end today by having a little fun, we hope, in collaboration with our colleagues at The Greene Space, WNYC's ground floor theater at our SoHo studios. We're inviting you now to call in with your worst-ever flops and fiascos in your personal life, and we will choose one of them to write a song about. Again, we're inviting you now to call in with your worst-ever flops and fiascos in your personal life. By that, we mean anything other than at work, so anything having to do with your life outside of work, a flop and a fiasco or a fiasco, that kind of story.

We'll choose one of these to write a song about and have it sung on the air on Thursday. Who has a great flop or fiasco story that you think the listeners would enjoy in a schadenfreude way or not hearing about? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. The kind of thing our Greene Space partners have in mind they say could be anything from your role in a disastrous school play, think of the many Peter Pan fails on YouTube, a botched attempt at public speaking, a really bad date, or even a full-tilt fiasco wedding. Anyone ever have a full-tilt fiasco wedding who's listening right now?

Was it about what someone wore, your in-laws' bad behavior? What? Again, we're inviting you now to call in with your worst-ever flops and fiascos in your personal life. We're going to do one on your life at work on Thursday, today anything other than at work, and we'll choose one of them to write a song about. 212-433-WNYC. Who's doing the songwriting? What's this all about? Well, here's the context. The Greene Space has the group, The Civilians, as their artists-in-residence right now, and they're planning a musical performance for next month that will in part turn some of your flops and fiascos into songs.

Who's got a good story? Again, we're inviting you now to call in with your worst-ever flops and fiascos anywhere other than at work, and we'll choose one of them to write a song about. 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. Now, before we bring in our guest from The Civilians, by way of background, they are a New York City-based company of artists making new work at the intersection of theatrical and real. The founding vision of their company is to investigate our lived experience, interrogate the stories that shape our society, and awaken new thinking through the experience of live theater, they say.

Their shows have run on Broadway and off-Broadway as well as with numerous tours and festivals and have included some things you may have heard of or seen, In the Footprint: The Battle Over Atlantic Yards, that was about gentrification, The Great Immensity, the first major American play about climate change, Another Word for Beauty created by Oscar winner José Rivera after a residency inside Bogota's national women's prison. Maybe you know some of those works or maybe you don't. It doesn't matter. Here's what The Civilians are doing with us.

They've already done two amazing Greene Space shows, one using chatGPT, the other using old tape from the WNYC archives. Since the station is 99 years old, that's a lot of old tape. Again, for their next Greene Space show, they're going to produce a musical based partly on stories of flops and fiascos that you call in with this week, and as a bonus track, they will pick one of your calls from today and return to the show on Thursday with your story turned into a song.

I know I'm giving you a lot of information there, but it boils down to this kind of fun. Call in right now with your story of a flop or fiasco in your personal life, anything but at work. Joining me now is Steve Cosson, director, writer, and the artistic director of The Civilians theater company. Hey, Steve. Thanks for the idea and doing this with us.

Steve Cosson: Thanks for having us on your show. Great to be here.

Brian Lehrer: How's this going to work? We have, by the way, a full board already of people calling, wanting to tell their flop and fiasco stories. What's going to happen?

Steve Cosson: Well, I think we'll hear from the public this morning. We will get everybody's phone number so we can also call them back and get more details on the story if that's necessary. Then one of the stories we hear today we'll come back on Thursday in the form of a song written by one of our company actors, Robert Johanson, and then May 15th is the show in The Greene Space where we'll draw on today's call-in, other call-ins. Any good flop or fiasco that we can get our hands on, we will turn that into a little bit of theater on the 15th of May.

Brian Lehrer: Should we just jump into one?

Steve Cosson: Please.

Brian Lehrer: David in Glen Ridge, you're on WNYC. Hi, David. Thank you for calling in.

David: Hey. Good morning. Thank you for having me. I had a startup. I was blessed. My father-in-law is a dead ringer for Bernard Madoff. Looks just like him.

Brian Lehrer: Oh, boy. Lucky you.

David: When the crash happened in 2008 and Wall Street got bailed out and everybody got bailed out and there was quite a bit of anger, certainly anger on my part and the people I'm with, I thought I would harness some of that anger, and I created a website that was wallstreetsux.com. I had a friend of mine do some graphics which showed money flushing down a toilet. I made t-shirts, car magnets, little badges, all kinds of stuff. I spent a few grand. I still have every single one of them. I can't bring myself to throw them out.

Brian Lehrer: You thought you were going to make money?

David: Oh, I thought I was going to make a fortune. I was ready to reorder everything. I was ready to see my t-shirts and have down coats made. Oh, yes, this was going to be my retirement.

Brian Lehrer: Do you want to ask David any follow-up question there, Steve?

Steve Cosson: Yes, I'd be curious to know just why you thought this was a good idea. What was in front of mind for that?

David: Well, I was angry about the bailout like a lot of people were. I was just angry about, "Why are they bailing them out? I need money." I was in, well, obviously a different place at the time. I'm now happily retired, and it just seemed things converged so nicely. I even put on the website, I put a film that my father-in-law was good enough to make acting as Bernard Madoff, pitching these things as, "Hey, I ripped you off. Why get ripped--" something along those lines.

Brian Lehrer: David, hang on. We're going to take your contact information off the air if you want to leave it, and if they want to write the song or one of the songs about your experience, they will follow up with you. Let's go next to Adele in Freehold. You're on WNYC. Hi, Adele.

Adele: Hi. I hope you're well. I have an unbelievable story. When I lived in Toronto, my mother-in-law's birthday was coming up. I went downtown in 19 feet of snow and stood outside this little gold shop and bought her an antique diamond and sea pearl pin, came home and made a [unintelligible 00:08:21], sat on the floor and watched my eight-layer black forest made-from-scratch cake because she loved chocolate, took it to her house the next day on a tiered crystal cake plate with her son for brunch where she invited my mother.

I put the cake and the cake plate on the counter in the kitchen and went downstairs to visit my father-in-law who was in the basement putting up pickles. All of a sudden, you hear screaming and yelling and swearing above us, shrieking. I come upstairs and my mother-in-law is screaming at me, "I didn't want an effing cake. I wanted a chocolate pie. I wanted a--" She's screaming and she's stamping her feet. This little lady picked up the crystal cake plate and threw the whole thing at me, landed at my feet, went up my [unintelligible 00:09:14].

Brian Lehrer: No.

Adele: Oh, I wouldn't lie to you, my friend. I've been listening to you for too many years and I love you so much. You keep me entertained. It's time for me to entertain you. I went into the bathroom and sat--

Brian Lehrer: You're doing it.

Adele: -you're a sweetie, and sat in the tub on the edge and washed my legs and cried and cried. My mother shows up for this woman's birthday brunch whose son, by the way, I divorced very quickly after this because he never stood up for me. My mother comes in, a fabulous woman, and she says, "What's the matter?" I say, "Never mind." By that time, the little lady had cleaned up the crystal and the chocolate and welcomed my mother like nothing had happened. Last time I baked for her. That's my story, [laughs] and it's not the worst one she ever did to me, I want you to know.

Brian Lehrer: Wow. I can definitely see a song being made out of that one, Steve.

Steve Cosson: No, that's a beautiful one. I love the detail about the pickles in the basement. I think there's great rhymes for pickle.

Brian Lehrer: Adele, hang on. If you're willing, we're going to take your contact information off the air just in case your story gets chosen to have a song made out of it. Magnus in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Magnus.

Magnus: Hello, Brian.

Brian Lehrer: What was your flop or fiasco?

Magnus: In my undergraduate studies, I won the Best Senior Thesis. After I won this, I was invited to come in to present my thesis and explain it to all these visiting professors and everything. The day before the presentation, I'd had my wisdom teeth taken out. Usually, I'm pretty good at public speaking and just winging it, so I didn't prepare any remarks because I wrote the thesis. I just planned on going up there and talking.

I think, partially, the results of whatever drugs I was on after the wisdom teeth, I basically went up there and just stuttered my way incoherently through it. I just saw the progressively more embarrassed faces of my professors and my senior advisors and just completely, utterly bombed it. The embarrassment was probably one of the greatest embarrassments I've ever had in my life.

Brian Lehrer: I never forgot it to this day. Magnus, hang on. We're going to take your contact information if you're willing to give it in case your story of that flop is chosen to have a song made out of it. Let's go next to Charlotte in Jersey City. You're on WNYC. Hi, Charlotte.

Charlotte: Hi. I was in college. There was a concert in the big hall, and they had a standup comedy comic guy coming out first. I had gotten dressed up for Halloween, and as you can tell, I have a pretty low voice. I was all sexy and thinking, "I look really great." He said, "Hey, you're from the Midwest?" I stood up and he said, "Where are you from?" I said, "I'm from Madison, Wisconsin." There was a pause and then he said, "Hey buddy, that's the best drag outfit I've ever seen." I was totally humiliated in front of all of my friends and this concert venue, and I slunk out of the auditorium.

Brian Lehrer: Wow. Because they thought you weren't a woman but you were a guy dressing as a woman?

Charlotte: Yes. I'm assuming because of the voice. It's this low voice, and so he just took it upon himself. When you're 18, 19, you don't take that kind of thing very well.

Brian Lehrer: Yes. Charlotte, hang on. In case that one gets turned into a song, we will take your contact information if you're willing to leave it. We're going to go right on to Aaron in Brooklyn, who looks like he has quite an unusual flop or fiasco for us. Hi, Aaron.

Aaron: Hey, Brian. Thanks so much for having me. I love your show. I listen to you every day. I was looking for a cheap alternative to housing, and I bought a $9,000 houseboat in Maryland and drove it up to New York City, where I parked it in Hoboken. One day, I was going to fill the tanks with gas. I had three or four friends on the boat with me, and we set out into the Hudson River just to fill up the tanks and get a little lunch maybe in Jersey City. We lost an engine halfway in the middle of the river.

All of a sudden, I lose control of the boat and we just start half-moon shaping. It's a twin-screw 1986 Gibson Standard houseboat. I can't control the thing. All of a sudden, I'm drifting closer and closer to Manhattan, and what do you know? We just start whacking into Pier 26 and smashing into the Frying Pan with hundreds of inebriated partygoers at the Frying Pan just filming and taking pictures as we just continue to just get smashed into the Pier.

We start floating north into a little cluster of sailing vessels, some sailboats, and all of a sudden, there's a sailing school instructor, what I presume is one on the megaphone shouting, "Get the heck away from the boats." It's just a full-on fiasco.

Brian Lehrer: How did it end?

Aaron: I'm barking orders at my friends to push us away. We're floating in the midst of these sailboats, and I ended up calling a wonderful man, Dano, who charged across the river with a little tender and pulled my butt out of there. I don't believe we damaged any boats miraculously, although, laughing stock of the river for the day.

Brian Lehrer: At least that. Did you live on the houseboat?

Aaron: I did for about three and a half years and then Hurricane Sandy actually tanked that endeavor. I took all my belongings off the boat for Hurricane Sandy, and everything got flooded in the marina. Then none of the marinas were really livable at that point, and so I sold the boat for pennies on the dollar.

Brian Lehrer: Wow. You almost crashed your own houseboat experience, but it took Hurricane Sandy to actually do it. What a story. Aaron, hang on. Maybe that one's going to get turned into a song to be played on the show on Thursday. We'll take your contact information if you're willing to leave it. Katie in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. What's your flop or fiasco story?

Katie: This story starts on a dark and stormy night in Downtown Brooklyn. I'm a New York City cyclist. I loved my bicycle. I was riding home on Jay Street. It was raining, a truck driver made an illegal turn, came at me and my bicycle, and rolled right over my bike. I was able to hop off. I was totally fine, but the driver rolled over my bicycle and crushed it. I had to talk him down. He was so upset. He thought he'd rolled over a human. He ended up giving me a ride home.

Both of us were in a little bit of shock. It didn't even cross my mind to stop and do a police report or anything like that. I got the guy's name, we had a nice chat. He dropped me at my front door, I slept it off. Woke up the next morning and thought, "You fool, you didn't do a police report. How are you going to find this guy?" I Google him, he happens to share the name of a Russian porn star. This is the only individual that I can find on Google. I think he's given me a fake name.

I've just lost my really nice favorite commuting object. Later, I started riding Citi Bike. I retraced my drive home that night just to see if I could jog my memory. I crossed a certain intersection and saw the truck that he'd hit my bike with sitting outside of a fried food shop. Went inside, saw the guy working in the kitchen, and said, "Hey, can I speak to the manager?" I told the boss, "This guy rolled over my bicycle the other night, and we came up with a deal."

We came up with a negotiation where we docked the guy's pay. The boss docked the guy's pay a little bit until I got a certain amount of money out that I could use to purchase a new bicycle. It was less than what my bicycle had been worth. We negotiated a deal and I bought a new bicycle that was stolen [unintelligible 00:18:24] about a couple of years later. I had a good run on that one.

Brian Lehrer: That's the final flop and fiasco is that the replacement bicycle was stolen only a couple of years later. Well, Katie, it could have been a lot worse. I'm glad you survived getting hit by the truck for one thing, but thank you. Hang on, we'll take your contact information in case Steve and his colleagues at The Civilians want to turn that one into a song. Steve, now we've got a little sampling there. I think you've got stuff to work with.

Steve Cosson: Yes, definitely.

Brian Lehrer: What happens now, and what are you going to come back with on Thursday?

Steve Cosson: Well, next we choose one of these flops, we transcribe the interview, I hand that off to the very talented Robert Johanson, and he has tomorrow to write a song using the verbatim words from the interviews. Whatever is said to us might become song lyrics.

Brian Lehrer: Oh, it's all going to have only the verbatim language of whichever caller you choose as the song lyrics?

Steve Cosson: Yes.

Brian Lehrer: Wow.

Steve Cosson: Maybe a small word here and there added, but the basic gist is we use the real words of the interview.

Brian Lehrer: Well, I can't wait to see which one you choose and how this song comes out. Listeners, that'll be on this same final segment of the show on Thursday morning. Then, you want to give a quick 20-second preview of what this is leading up to on The Greene Space stage on Monday, May 15th?

Steve Cosson: Sure. Well, on the 15th, we're going to have a collection of the absolute best flops, failures, and disasters. We have a company of amazing musicians and actors and performers, and they will present some of the interviews as monologues, as texts, and some of them will turn into songs. We're going to figure out how to maybe do a little bit of calling in to the public during the live show. It's a great big experiment. We don't know quite what will happen, but that is part of the fun of it.

Brian Lehrer: Listeners, get your workplace flops and fiasco stories ready for part two of this when Steve Cosson and the songwriter from the theatre group, The Civilians, return to sing the song that they've made out of one of your stories today, and then we'll do part two. We'll take your workplace flop and fiasco stories on Thursday's show. Steve, this is too much fun. I can't wait to talk to you Thursday.

Steve Cosson: Great. Thanks so much.

Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Alison Stewart is next.

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