Title: Need a Pep Talk? Give Us A Call [theme music]

Kousha Navidar: This is All Of It on WNYC. I'm Kousha Navidar in for Alison Stewart. It's Friday, and we want to spread a little joy to you listening right now. If something is weighing on you, share it with us, and we'll give you a pep talk. Now, pep talks, motivational speeches, they're not easy. We love to hear them, but giving them requires insight, empathy, the right words, the right tone, and always the right person. Luckily, we have all of that with our guest today, comedian, author, and friend of the show, Josh Gondelman.

Josh writes a weekly newsletter of pep talks that's called "That's Marvelous." Each week he gives pep talks to whoever, whatever needs them. Recently, that included an Olympic pole vaulter, restaurants without websites, and Bradley Cooper. Josh, that's a wonderful assortment of people to give pep talks to. Hi, welcome to the show.

Josh Gondelman: Thanks so much for having me. Always a pleasure to be here.

Kousha Navidar: Listeners, you've probably got a lot on your plate right now. Maybe you're going on a date this weekend and you're nervous. Maybe you've been putting off a task you need to take care of, or maybe you just want to feel better in the midst of this whiplash weather. What's on your mind? Give us a call. Give us a quick summary of what's happening, and we'll talk you up. By "we" I mostly mean Josh, but I'll be here, too. The number is 212-433-9692. That's 212-433-WNYC.

Do you have a big task on your mind that we could help you tackle with a little extra motivation? Or if you hear someone call asking for a pep talk and you feel like you can give one to that person, call us, 212-433-9692. That's 212-433-WNYC. Josh, this is a new idea for us. Have you ever given pep talks on the fly like this?

Josh Gondelman: Oh, yes. I used to do it on the Internet. I would do it on Twitter, and it would be late at night. Usually, I'd be on the road, and I would go, "Hey, if anyone needs a pep talk, I'm here for five minutes, let me know. I would get a lot of requests and try to respond as quickly and sincerely to as many people as I could. It was a lot of fun, and it was a nice wind down from if I was doing a stand-up show out of town or just if I got home late from something. My wife was already asleep, and I was still abuzz from being out. Yes, it was really nice just to be able to burn off a little of that excess energy and try to do something nice for someone else, too.

Kousha Navidar: Yes, doing something nice, I think, is key, too. It is a great value to give somebody a pep talk. As we wait for calls to come in, and I already see some populating, I think it'd be helpful if maybe the first one could be for me. I could use a pep talk.

Josh Gondelman: I'm ready, please.

Kousha Navidar: Some context, Josh. I am on a strict diet for health reasons, and it's a weird diet. I have to eat a lot of fiber and not much else. I'm tired of having to think about it all the time. I'm tired of five psyllium fiber husk pills at every meal. I am tired of boiled zucchini, and frankly, nothing I do seems to be working, and I'm starting to get fed up, if you can excuse the pun. I really just want to quit. Keep me going. Tell me it will be worth it.

Josh Gondelman: Okay. I have one quick follow-up question, because, first of all, high fiber diet, the immediate pep talk is not to be too explicit, but think about how on time, the trains in your tummy will be running. That, I imagine, is part of the goal but is the idea that this diet is permanent or temporary?

Kousha Navidar: It is permanent.

Josh Gondelman: Wow.

Kousha Navidar: It is permanent, yes.

Josh Gondelman: That's tough. Here's what I think is a huge thing to think about. When you're used to eating things that are bad or not flavorful and you wish you could have other stuff, think about how that prepares you for when you're in situations where all the food is bad. When you're at an airport and there's so little. If you're at a gathering in some whatever the fifth verse of Rapper's Delight, "macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed, and the chicken tastes like wood," and you're just ready.

You can take it on because you're ready for a flavorless life. Also, it will be worth it. This is one of those things where it's so hard to see the future now, to think about how the payoff will be, especially if it's taken a while but thinking about that when you eat your husks is like, you go, "Oh, I'm not eating this because of the taste. I'm not doing it because I don't want a bag of chips or a scoop of ice cream or a big grilled cheese sandwich, I'm doing it for the future, which is the hardest thing where you're not seeing results, but you can do it. You can make this work, and you will feel better, and that is worth the sacrifice.

Kousha Navidar: You are absolutely right that it is hard to see the future now and I think hearing that just actually makes me feel a little bit better if I'm being real, considering it.

Josh Gondelman: It is because I think there's so much stuff that we're supposed to do that we see the results later, and it's miserable and just to be like, okay, it's okay that this is bad. I don't have to pretend this is good. That's how I feel about, you go to the dentist and you're not like, "Oh, I love a teeth cleaning, necessarily." Maybe some of the listeners are true perverts, but you go, "Oh, this feels bad and that's okay because it is for the greater good."

Kousha Navidar: Yes. Thank you so much for that. Listeners, if you want a pep talk from the amazing Josh Gondelman, give us a call, send us a text. We're at 212-433-9692. Let's go to our first caller, Rachel in Tarrytown, New York. Rachel, hi. Welcome to the show.

Rachel: Hi, everybody. Hi. How are you?

Kousha Navidar: Great. How are you?

Rachel: Thanks for taking my call. I shouldn't be laughing, but I'm laughing because am I really the first caller? [laughs]

Kousha Navidar: Save the best for first. Go ahead.

Rachel: Okay. I'm driving back from New York City and leaving early because I'm so anxious about the weather and getting stuck in New York again after Tuesday. My pep talk, when I first called in, I said I'm feeling actually more anxious above and beyond the whole election campaign about the weather because that's something that we really can't control. Yes, that's my pep talk.

Kousha Navidar: Rachel, do you want to pep talk about feeling anxious about the weather? Is that right?

Rachel: Yes, just talk me down from the sledge because, I don't know, it seems just the climate change is really a big question.

Kousha Navidar: It's the climate change that's on your mind.

Rachel: Yes. Honestly, I did watch the weather last night to prepare, but it made it worse for me.

Kousha Navidar: Got it. Rachel, thank you so much for calling. I'm sure a lot of people can commiserate with you. Josh, what would you say?

Josh Gondelman: The climate stuff is really an existential need for a pep talk because it's not like, oh, the climate change today and now it's all. It's the long term and the past. I think thinking about ways that you can be a part of making little decisions that are helpful and being part of the bigger movement, I find that always to sketch on the back of-- To use a dirtbag tween term, did you have that where you'd hold a bike or a skateboard or something-

Kousha Navidar: Totaly.

Josh Gondelman: -and you'd be on the back of a car that was moving? Anyway, don't do that but just to the back of a movement. That, I think, can be really helpful to get plugged in and really do what you can to make a difference. Weather anxiety, I fully understand. Last week, I was going to say I was at the airport for 11 hours, but that's not true. I was at both New York airports because I drove from one to the other. I got in a cab to try to make a flight because my flights kept getting canceled and I had to make a work engagement and I missed it. I fully missed it.

I was at the airport all day and missed the work thing, but they made do without me. I think that is so helpful to remember. Is that, in the face of natural disasters, acts of God or whoever, storm systems, high pressure, low pressure, whatever higher power you believe in? You don't always matter that much and it's like, okay, if you're late and it's stressful, but you can let that go, and it's probably going to be fine, or it'll be annoying, and then slightly less fine, and then fine.

Kousha Navidar: It's hard to see the future.

Josh Gondelman: It's hard to see the future but I do think sitting in it and going like this is bad, but it doesn't actually matter. Unlike a long-term diet, this will be over. You're not going to get stuck waiting for Gudda at the airport. You're not Tom Hanks in The Terminal. You'll get to where you're going, you'll get out of the city, and then you can then kind of-- While you're waiting, if you're stuck in one place, unable to get to the other, you can do a little reading on climate science and how to subvert the oncoming climate apocalypse.

Kousha Navidar: Rachel, we hope that alleviated your stress or your anxiety a little bit. Let's go to another caller. We've got Claire in Brooklyn. Claire, you're on with Josh Gondelman. What's up? Hey, Claire, you there? I think Claire might be--

Claire: I was muted. Hello?

Kousha Navidar: Hey, Claire. How are you doing? What's up?

Claire: Hey. I'm standing next to my roommate Rose, and we are calling in to get a pep talk because we quit smoking about four days ago.

Kousha Navidar: Wow, congrats.

Josh Gondelman: That's amazing. That's so huge. Four days is like a big piece of time to have quit smoking already. I imagine you have had an irritable four days, and hopefully, you're coming out the other side of it, and that rules. That's a great thing to quit, and it feels so good. I think we're always encouraged to do stuff, right? Like, oh, do this, do that. That'll make your life better. If you can not do something that's making your life worse, that is a way to improve things just by sitting still and that's incredible.

Kousha Navidar: Claire, how does that make you feel hearing that? You and your roommate.

Claire: I think that we are really angry and scaring each other, but that felt good to hear. We're still in the irritable phase.

Josh Gondelman: I love that you--

Claire: Four days is long but not quite long enough to feel good about it.

Josh Gondelman: I love that you have each other in a way that is supportive, but also, you are both equally at each other's throats, because I do think two people quitting smoking deserve each other's antagonism so you're not projecting it outward. I think that's so beautiful that you've given each other the gift of being irritable together during this upsetting time.

Kousha Navidar: Claire, thanks so much for that call. Congrats to you and your roommate. We hope that four days goes much further in the future. Here's a text for you. "On a lighter note, I have started playing softball again after nearly 20 years off. I was pretty good in my 30s. Now I am disappointed and embarrassed by my play and inclined to give up. Josh, can you pep me up?"

Josh Gondelman: This is a great place to be because going from not playing to playing is the big step. I used to play a lot of basketball, I was fine. Now I'm horrendous, and it stops me from playing. I get my energy up to shoot baskets by myself and hope no teens make fun of my jump shot across the court.

You've crossed the bridge, and now you're doing it and because you had these skills and maybe you've let them go a little rusty, maybe you're not as fleet of foot or quick of reflexes as you were 20 years ago, these skills will come back, and you're going to feel that growth, which is the best feeling, going from, "Oh, I'm not as good as I used to be," to like, "Op, it's all coming back to me now," to quote the great Celine Dion. I think that you're in the part right before it gets good.

Kousha Navidar: You're about to hit that growth curve, just rediscovering what you already have.

Josh Gondelman: It's so cool because you have it in you, and it's going to start emerging. Even if you never hit the peak that you hit before, not everything you do is going to be the best thing you ever do is something I yell at myself in the mirror every day. Not Celine Dion.

Kousha Navidar: Not Celine Dion.

Josh Gondelman: Yes, look, she's back singing again.

Kousha Navidar: She is back singing.

Josh Gondelman: Maybe I could pitch it to her.

Kousha Navidar: Absolutely.

Josh Gondelman: Get Celine on the horn. I think getting to figuring out the new top of your ability and getting from here to there is going to feel excellent.

Kousha Navidar: Thank you so much for that text, happy softball playing. Let's go to Brian in New Jersey. Hey, Brian. Welcome to the show.

Brian: Hi, Josh. Thanks for taking my call. I'm calling on behalf of my wife, whose birthday happened to be today, and I think she could use a pep talk because she's not feeling connected to her friends and her community.

Josh Gondelman: Oh, that's such a difficult feeling. Well, first of all, happy birthday. Brian, it's so kind of you to call on her behalf. That's a really beautiful impulse to have, is to look out for your partner in that way. That is such a tough feeling to feel adrift. I am a big shoot-your-shot person. I don't mean for this to be advicey because I don't feel qualified to give advice because I don't know anything. I do think that when you feel unplugged from a community that you once felt more tapped into, I think you can be that source of change.

I think everybody has a little bit of wanting people to reach out to them and to feel that, "Oh, we can't wait till you're back in the fold," but I think she can do it. Almost never is it that people don't want to hang out with you if they're your friends or don't want to hear from you. It's like they're busy. I think the idea of other people, people that you love, are glad to hear from you is a nice way to remember that.

Just because you haven't heard from them when you haven't talked in a while, that's a two-way street, and you can drive down that street. In the way you're facing, this metaphor really falls apart. I do think they want to hear from you, probably. Otherwise, you wouldn't say friends and community, you'd be estranged from her horrible former friends who burned our house down after a mahjong incident.

Kousha Navidar: There are actionable steps that you can take actually you are saying.

Josh Gondelman: Yes, I think it's right there in front of you and it feels bad to fall out of touch and those threads that connect us fray, and you drift apart from one another, but it's always reparable, especially when there hasn't been a blow-up and it's just like the ravages of time and the oppression of schedule.

Kousha Navidar: Brian, thank you so much for that call. We hope that's helpful. We hope you're pepped up. This is a good text. "I feel really sweaty and humid and want to go ride my bike today, but I don't feel it today. Motivate me to go out and ride my bike." Jack in Brooklyn, what do you say to Jack?

Josh Gondelman: Jack, you can be sweaty and humid sitting at home, or you can be sweaty and humid getting on your bike and getting it done. If you feel bad sitting still, what is there to lose? It's all bad. The humidity is 10,000% today. Yesterday, it was pouring. This didn't used to be August. We're not used to it. I'm sorry to contribute to, was it Rachel's climate anxiety, by saying that?

Kousha Navidar: That's right.

Josh Gondelman: Go out and do it. It already stinks. Just push through the stink. Double down on the stink, the shower will feel incredible.

Kousha Navidar: Double down on the stink. Josh Gondelman, not Celine Dion.

Josh Gondelman: Not Celine Dion. She could sing it. I feel like she could get over with almost any lyric.

Kousha Navidar: Absolutely.

Josh Gondelman: She really belted double down on the stink, people would cry. James Cameron would start writing Titanic 2.

Kousha Navidar: Let's go to Linda in Westchester. Linda, what's up?

Linda: Hi. I have so many things that I need you to, please, spell Josh's last name because I'm going to stalk him because I need a pep talk every day.

Kousha Navidar: Sick. Absolutely.

Linda: Is it Gothelman?

Kousha Navidar: Sorry, go ahead. You go ahead.

Josh Gondelman: Gondelman. G-O-N-D-E-L, man.

Linda: You're going to get to know me really well.

Josh Gondelman: Sure thing.

Linda: My thing today is hopefully not too dark.

Josh Gondelman: Okay.

Linda: I did something that is irrevocable. That is possibly the biggest regret of my life that I did yesterday, and it's really, really not revocable, and it is going to hurt someone else. I've always lived my life to avoid regret. This one is a big one and it was totally my screw-up. I could have avoided it, and I didn't. I don't know how to deal with that.

Josh Gondelman: Linda, what would be the thing that you would want to get motivated about? Is it figuring out what that next step is, or is there a specific step you would want to take?

Linda: I think how to accept that people screw up, and I don't screw up very often, and so I don't know how to-- I don't even know how to ask the question. I don't know how to accept that in myself and how to move on, I guess.

Josh Gondelman: It sounds like you're really doing a good job of feeling where you are and taking accountability for your actions and acknowledging that this was something you did and that you can't necessarily turn it around, but you can know the impact of your actions and understand how to move forward. I think where you're calling from is a really hard place to feel and a tough place to be, knowing that you're kind of-- I would say this is me giving advice to me.

When you get into that position, you can really start to flail but everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has done things that are not fixable. This is not a unique badness that is intrinsic to you. This is part of the human experience. I think feeling that and really allowing yourself the grace of knowing that you're not a uniquely terrible person who failed in a unique and unprecedented way and that this is part of life and that whatever happens on the other side of this.

You now have this information and this knowledge of self to hopefully do better in the future and maybe mend fences once the dust has settled. Even if the thing that happened is irrevocable and immutable, that doesn't mean that everything's bad forever or that you're bad forever, or even that you're a bad person now and that you're not alone.

Kousha Navidar: That you're not alone, right?

Josh Gondelman: You're not alone.

Kousha Navidar: Just like we're talking to you right now.

Josh Gondelman: Yes, there's lots and I imagine there are the people in your life. It sounds like there's somebody that you may have hurt in this situation, but there are other people in your life who love and care about you and understand that mistakes happen and that just because you make them doesn't mean that you need to bear this burden by yourself, walking around solitarily forever. That's a great point.

Kousha Navidar: Linda, thank you so much for calling. Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you for trusting us. We're thinking of you both, Josh and I and there is a way forward. We've got just a little bit of time left. We got just a minute. Dominic in Smithtown, I'm going to come to you. You got 30 seconds. Go ahead.

Dominic: Hi. Thanks for taking my call. Long time listener, first-time caller type of situation here. I have a date tonight with a guy that I've liked for a really long time. We've had a friendship for the past four years where we get together some nights and go get drinks and whatnot. He said he wants to go out in Flatiron tonight, and I'm wanting to make him know that I like him and that I want this to be more of a date, more of a intimate situation but I'm really nervous, and I always totally flunk the assignment when I get around him.

Kousha Navidar: You want some pep for how to get ready to ask the question? Josh, go ahead.

Josh Gondelman: This is great. Okay, you're in a great situation. You have a friend that you really like spending time with. The only thing that if you can make this friendship additive, you could add this romantic element to it, or you could shoot your shot and it doesn't go that way on all you're left with. I feel like just friends is the wrong term for that, because friends, that's the best. You have a friend, and if you and this person have a great relationship, it would be a temporary discomfort if it doesn't go the way you want but you can maintain this friendship if it is a true and good friendship, and then you'll find romance elsewhere.

Kousha Navidar: Dominic, we hope that is helpful for you. I hope the date goes really well. There are so many more calls and texts that are coming in. I guess that this was a good area for us to play in. One text here that I think a lot of people feel that I just want to read to you, Josh. It just says two words. Thank you!! Then there's two exclamation points after it.

Josh Gondelman: Oh, that's sweet. Thank you.

Kousha Navidar: Thank you so much, Josh Gondelman. I'm going to give you a little pep talk for your empathy, your kindness, your sharp wit, for bringing up Celine Dion. We really appreciate it. We've been talking to Josh Gondelman. Go see him in person on August 16th at Young Ethel's in Brooklyn on August 17th, opening for Natasha Vaynblat in Union Hall. His latest newsletter is called That's Marvelous. It's about pep talks in general, enthusiasm. Josh, thanks so much.

Josh Gondelman: Thanks for having me. This is a pleasure.

[00:22:31] [END OF AUDIO]

 

Copyright © 2024 New York Public Radio. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use at www.wnyc.org for further information.

New York Public Radio transcripts are created on a rush deadline, often by contractors. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of New York Public Radio’s programming is the audio record.