0:00 

 

[SOUND EFFECT]

 

00:09

 

Terrance McKnight: This is the Open Ears Project 

 

[MUSIC PLAYING: Liszt’s Concert Etude no. 2, “Un Sospiro”]

 

00:16

 

Damien Sneed: Yeah, that's a story that's very - uh - interesting, a lot of people get goosebumps when I tell it. 

 

00:28

 

I'm Damien Snead: composer, pianist, singer, and conductor, and we're listening to Liszt's Concert Etude no. 2, "Un Sospiro,” - a sigh.

 

00:58

 

Adoption is my story, that is who I am but, I always knew I was adopted. I knew, I just knew I can't even describe it. I felt it walking around, uh, I felt it in my skin. I felt around my family that I was different. Uh - going to the store, I would always look at people and wonder who they were, if they were probably my sibling, it's just something I felt I knew. 

 

01:35

 

I was five years old watching Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters on twenty-twenty and I don't know how I ended up in my parents' bedroom. We all watched it together on the large television and after the show I remember it was very silent, like the entire television show, that hour even during the commercials. And I remember turning to my parents and saying, “Am I adopted?” 

 

And my mother sort of looked at my father like: “don't say anything,” and then my father said, “no, I'm gonna tell him. Yes, you are.” 

 

02:08

 

Umm, my mother didn't want me to know because she didn't want me to hurt or didn't want me to feel ostracized, but I always knew, but I had a phenomenal set of parents and it was good that I found out at that age, because my parents instilled a strong sense of pride because they loved me so much.

 

That said, one of the biggest takeaways that I have come to find is that all of my not-so-good moments in life were because of being adopted and having to deal with rejection.

 

The only thing - I lie to you not - the only thing that lifted me, that saved me from possibly having an emotional base of just being very melancholic and, you know, sad all the time was music.

 

03:06

 

It was always there. Before I was educated, I had music. Before I picked up my first instrument, I would hum to myself. 

 

Music was there in the church, music was there in school, music was always there and music has always been my close friend. It's given me a strong sense of understanding and valuing my path and it's given me a huge heart.

 

And being adopted, I since have found my biological family. It doesn't always happen that way but I'm fortunate now to have my mother in my life and she attends all of my performances, she comes to all of my recordings, and it's really been interesting because the older I get, and when I share this story about being adopted, I'm finding there's so many people who are getting liberty and becoming free from me telling my story. 

 

04:12

 

So I had a dream when I was an undergrad at Howard University that I met my biological mother. There was a picture of me, my mother, my sister - I always knew that there was a sister because that was like information I had since, like, five years old when my mom gave me the little sheet of paper that she wrote down from the adoption agency. 

 

So I kept studying the dream. I started drawing everything out in the dream, like the colors I saw. Shirt colors, my mom's glasses, my sister's hair was up. You know, I was wearing all black, my sister had on a white shirt, my mom had on a brown shirt with gold. And then I had this distinct, clear knowledge that my mother was 47. 

 

So throughout that time, adoption would come up, conversations with friends, you know, going places, and I really didn't want to talk about it because that dream caused me to start reaching out to the Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry to try to find my mother. And my situation didn't go well.

 

They have a two-year process. To do that, you have to find the mother first, not the father. And after three years, they said, "We're going to keep your case open.” They're supposed to shut the case after two years, and my case went on for four years, and then five years, no response from my family.

 

[MUSIC PLAYING: Karen Clark-Sheard “The Will of God”]

 

05:28

 

So, I'd moved to Michigan, and I was listening to music in the car, and all of a sudden, I started to weep and cry. And I was like, "Wow, I really want to know who my family is. I'm tired of this.” It just really hit me. 

 

I was listening to gospel music. It was Karen Clark Sheard and her daughter, Kierra Sheard, with Twinkie Clark on the Hammond B3 organ. "The Will of God", That was the name of the song. 

 

Music: The safest place in the whole wide world is in the will of god.

 

06:10

 

Damien Sneed: And I remember waking up the next day, I said, "Okay, I've got to get started at this new job here."

 

I went to open a bank account, and when I sat in the parking lot and turned off the car, the phone rang and it was the lady from the Georgia adoption reunion registry,

and she said, "Damien, are you sitting down?" 

 

I said, "I am."

 

She said, "First of all, I want to let you know this is one of the most special cases we've had in the state of Georgia. We did contact your mother years ago, but she never responded, but something told us to keep your case open.”

 

She said, “I've contacted your mother and your sister has responded and she's on the other line - would you like to speak to her?”

 

So, my sister, we talked and introduced ourselves and she said, “You know, mom wants to meet you in person.”

 

And my sister said, “Wait, what do you do?" 

 

And I said, “Music.”

 

So we're rushing, she’s like, “Wait, what kind of music?” 

 

So I told her and she said,“Oh that's interesting and you're in Michigan?”

 

I said, “Yeah, I'm here working with the Clark sisters." 

 

She said, "No way." She said, "I keep a cassette tape in my purse with me everywhere I go because there's one song that I really like." 

 

And I said, "Well, what song is that?" 

 

She said, "It's Karen Clark Sheard and her daughter singing the Will of God." 

And so then I knew there was a connection.

 

Music: It may be (x2) 

 

On the battlefront (x2) 

 

Or in (x2) 

 

The prison walls (x2)

 

07:38

 

Damien Sneed: I get to Georgia, we all walk in right, talk, back up, hug, you know all this kind of stuff and we randomly sit down and you know I'm talking to my mother for about an hour and then I was a sudden you know I'm asking all these questions she's asking me questions and I say, “Oh yeah, Mom, so - uh - how old are you?”

 

She says, “Oh I'm 47.”

 

[Gasp]

 

And all of a sudden I said, “47, yes, the dream!”

 

Remember, the dream is why I started searching for my biological family and my mother and my sister they're looking like, “What is he talking about: ‘the dream?’”

 

And I talked about the dream and - I always take my journal with me everywhere I go - and I showed my sister I said, “Look at this,” and my sister screams: “Ah!”

 

All the-the focus shifts to my sister and she says, “What is this? What is this picture that you drew?”

 

I said, “Oh it's the dream I had. It’s what made me want to find you all.”

 

She said, “Look at it closely,” 

 

And I didn't realize it until I looked again because it was years before - years and years and years. 

 

I was wearing black - all black - and I wrote that in the journal. My sister had on the white shirt just like it was there. And she said, "How did you know my hair was going to be up?" 

 

I said, "I just saw that in the dream." 

 

She said, "I had my beautician style my hair today and I told her, ‘give me a style that I've never had before, because I'm meeting my brother for the first time.’ It's the first time in my life I've worn my hair up.”

 

I’m not making this up.

 

And she said, "Mom, look at this. You're wearing a brown shirt with gold in it." 

She's like, "How did you know that?" 

 

It was just a dream.

 

She said, “how did you know I was wearing glasses? Because the reason we moved the meeting from 5 pm to 7 pm is because I was at LensCrafters getting glasses. I've never worn glasses in a day in my life.”

 

[MUSIC PLAYING: Liszt’s Concert Etude no. 2, “Un Sospiro”]

 

09:58

 

That story… I had all the answers and didn't realize it. It was very liberating because then I felt: “Hmm - there's something else at work here.”

 

My life was really intentionally designed and so it made me begin to embrace every single moment. Embrace every single emotion, embrace every trial, embrace every difficulty. 

 

And so for me, that's one of the things that I realized I could do with music. And so then my ear changed because I began to listen to the complex layers in music. Because I realized how complex my life had been. And it became so intrinsically a part of who I am musically. 

 

10:48

 

You know, at first, my mother didn't want me to look for my biological family,

 'cause she felt some sort of way about that. But, I'll share this one thing about being adopted. 

 

There's a concert I played in South Carolina, and it's not too far from Augusta, Georgia, where I'm from. Both mothers, my biological mother and my mother who raised me, came up. They both met up at the same time and I told the people for ticketing, I said, "Both of my mothers will be here, so can you give them both a seat?" And I didn't know how that was gonna go. 

 

They both sat together beside each other and I could see them smiling. And I remember I had to play a piano solo and I looked at them and I could see them mouthing to each other. They both said, "Wow, look at our son." 

 

And that's a moment that you can't wish for. But the fact that I had a moment in life, a moment in time, where their paths would collide and they were able to share and enjoy - uh - their son.

 

12:02

 

I remember I played one of my mothers favorite pieces: the Liszt Concert Etude no. 2 ,“Un Sospiro” - a sigh.

 

12:25

 

And for me after playing the piece I had no idea, looking at them - that moment, would finally give me an opportunity, for the first time, to exhale and to sigh and to release all of that stuff about being adopted and rejected and being accepted and is it okay to look for my family? And was it gonna be like? 

 

And from that moment on, it was like smooth sailing as far as that area of my life. And music, you know, does that. 

 

13:23

 

This piece deeply reaches into the depths of the soul. The monumental piece in my musical development.

 

14:28

 

It's very - uh - calming, introspective, and it sort of causes you to just slow down a little bit. 

 

15:23

 

But, me learning this piece with my teacher saying, “Every note in the arpeggio has to be very even. You have to bring up the melody in the right hand and the left hand. You have to make sure the bass is full like the double bass in an orchestra.”

 

Being tempered and trained to give this so much attention to to detail, but at the same time enjoying the moment, at the same time making sure as I play it that the listener the audience is not aware of all the little intricate details, it sort of allowed me in my life to just relax and ride the wave and sigh. 

 

16:08

 

So, my biological mother, she was concerned with her, I would be angry. 

 

She gave me up for adoption because I already had a sister and she grew up very impoverished, you know, without a lot of resources to be able to help me and she wanted me to have a better life. 

 

And her giving up for adoption allowed that to happen and so for that I'm grateful and for that I'm glad that I was chosen to be adopted. And then I was chosen by a wonderful, loving set of parents and family. 

 

And that is really my story. And it's my aim, my thrust, my impetus to let other people know, no matter what it is that you need to overcome, you can overcome it. 

 

I am the letter for you to read. Use me as a mirror. Whatever you want to do, you can achieve your dreams, and you can do it and be whole. 

 

17:17

 

And here's the ending. 

 

A sigh.

 

[OPEN EARS THEME MUSIC: Philip Glass’s Piano Etude No. 2]

 

17:41

 

Terrance McKnight: Damien Sneed chose Franz Liszt’s “Un Sospiro.” Stick around, you’ll hear it in full just after this break. 

 

[MUSIC PLAYING: Liszt’s Concert Etude no. 2, “Un Sospiro”]

 

23:40

 

Terrance McKnight: This is the Open Eats Project. Next week, we’ll hear from writer and journalist Elizabeth Day on cellist Jacqueline du Pré’s legendary interpretation of Elgar's cello concerto.

 

Elizabeth Day: In the aftermath of a breakup, there are only certain pieces of music you can listen to that dont push you over the edge or seem to bear a cruel and specific relevance to your situation. Elgar’s cello concerto was definitely something that got me through.

 

Terrance McKnight: The Open Ears project was conceived and created by Clemency Burton Hill. I’m Terrance McKnight and I'm just delighted to present season two of this podcast to you.

 

If you like what you hear, please leave us a rating and a review on your favorite podcast platform and, if you’ve got a story about a piece of classical music, we want to know. Email us at openears@wqxr.org. You can also head to our website, wqxr.org, to check out our other podcasts about classical music.

 

Season two of The Open Ears Project was produced by Clemency Burton-Hill and Rosa Gollan. Our technical director is Sapir Rosenblatt, and our project manager is Natalia Ramirez. Elizabeth Nonemaker is the executive producer of podcasts at WQXR, and Ed Yim is our chief content officer. I’m Terrance McKnight. Thanks so much for listening.

 

Copyright © 2024 New York Public Radio. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use at www.wnyc.org for further information.

 

New York Public Radio transcripts are created on a rush deadline, often by contractors. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of New York Public Radio’s programming is the audio record.